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Dating In The Dance World
By Grace Badillo, President
Dancing With Grace Productions, Inc.
Being a dance instructor in the dance world gives me an EYE into the chaotic world of dating. Every single night I see desperate souls searching for “the one” and instead of finding “the one” they settle for “the next one”, give themselves away and are left empty yet again.
Dating in the dance world is different from online dating or dating haphazardly because in the dance world we dance with different partners and thus meet many people in one evening that we might never speak to otherwise. The one thing we do know that we have in common is the love of dance, and although this is good, it’s not the correct foundation to a long lasting relationship.
Unfortunately, many believers and non-believers have followed the world’s defective dating practices.
We made Christ and our belief system a small, if not completely nonexistent part of our dating lives.
I remember asking a friend after his first date with a woman, “Is she a believer?”, He replied, “I don’t know”. Does anyone see a problem with this? Whether you believe in God or not, knowing what a love interest’s belief system is should be the number one question on the table. Do you want to be the person that has absolutely no standards set for dating and end up walking into every single first date blindfolded?
Advice: Set standards for what you want your significant other to be and I am not talking about blond, brunette or muscular here! I am talking about setting a standard for what moral code and Lord you want to serve. Being with someone who doesn’t believe in what you believe in sets a foundation of quicksand in a relationship; only doom and gloom await them.
Do you know how much easier dating would be if you found out, on your first date, that the person sitting across you believes in worshiping nothing but the mirror? There would be no need to ride the dating roller coaster and you could just walk away knowing this person has not met your standards; no pain, just the peace of knowing you avoided hundreds of fights and an ever doomed relationship.
We settle for the available dating partner.
I think all of us have done this one. Loneliness is normal. We were made to be with a mate and this is why we feel a need to be with someone but settling for the first guy/gal who asks us out and staying with them until the next best cheesecake comes by isn’t fair to you or the person you are dating! Would you want someone to use you this way? NOT!
Advice: Don’t settle. Pray about and for your future husband/wife. They exist, but if you are busy being Ms. Settles or Mr. Settles, your soul mate just may pass you by.
We let appearances fool us and we let appearances plant the seed of lust in us.
This one was a usual thing for me. I was the gal who wanted the gorgeous muscular body builder regardless of what was in his mind or spirit. We let gorgeous appearances fool us and follow the lust of the flesh before even finding out if this person loves their family, has a job or believes in God. I ended up in relationships that were fulfilling the wrong desires and ended up empty, having to break up because I knew I wasn’t going to marry the person.
Advice: If you find yourself dating people because of their appearances or because they are the hottest thing since ovens were created, take a step back. Who are they? How do they treat people? Are they rude and full of sin? Would you want your children to be like them? If not, it’s time to roll out!
We let romance control us and we get too close too soon (if you know what I mean).
Who hasn’t had this happen to them? You aren’t alone, so don’t feel bad. Someone gives us the slightest bit of positive attention and suddenly we are “in love” and we don’t even know who they are yet!
Advice: Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve and keep your underwear on in the process people! The person you date should show KINDNESS, RESPECT, CONSIDERATION, HARD WORK, & CONSISTENCY in order to deserve our time and attention. Time and attention shouldn’t equate to the “naked dance” until we have made a commitment to God and each other first. Don’t give it away! Yes guys, this means you too.
We took a “test drive” by living together.
I made this error too! Once, my roommate stole all of my possessions including my furniture and rent! I was forced to move into my boyfriend’s home (who had been asking me to move in all along). I felt terrible because my mother never taught me that this was right to do. I even called her and apologized, but I needed his help and I needed it fast.
Advice: Sometimes we find ourselves in these “test drive” situations because life took an unexpected turn. Sometimes we take a “test drive” because it’s romantic and sweet and “we are together all the time anyway, so why not?” Regardless of why you do it statistics show that people who live together prior to getting married usually don’t get married and those that do are divorced within 5 years. Don’t take a “test drive”. If he/she is worth living with, he/she should be worth marrying and if you are too afraid to take the plunge, they aren’t right for you anyway!
With all of these worldly dating practices, we will experience broken hearts, broken trust, broken intimacy and spiritual emptiness. Does that sound appealing to you? Has this been what you have been experiencing? I know I did and that is why I am writing this for you today!
Remember, great relationships take effort.
Choice #1: Bring Glory To God (Matthew 6:33)
Choice #2: View every dating partner as created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Every dating partner is someone’s child, future spouse or parent and what you do to them will affect their other relationships. Tread carefully.
Choice #3: Find a dating partner fully committed to Christ. (2Corinthians 6:14-16)
Choice #4: Have a dating partner who will encourage you to grow spiritually and personally. (Hebrews 10:24) & (Proverbs 27:17)
Choice #5: Seek and be open to wise council regarding dating; find a mentor. (Proverbs 19:20) and (Proverbs 12:15)
Choice #6: Develop Godly expectations to whom and how you will date. Set standards. Make a list of characteristics you would like to see in a spouse (Proverbs 29:18) . Write down, commit and have accountability to follow a list of Godly dating principles. (Proverbs 16:19)
Positive Result #1: You will leave a Godly legacy for someone’s future spouse if you treat them well even after it doesn’t work out!
Positive Result #2: You won’t have a bad reputation in the dance world because people will know you are a man/woman of character!
Positive Result #3: You will experience personal and spiritual growth.
Positive Result #4: You have the possibility of becoming a healthy future spouse.
Galatians 6:9b-10 “…..For in the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”
Dating in the dancing world may be a bit different but the biggest difference is how small the community is and how quick word gets out when we make personal mistakes. Be careful and know that your past mistakes don’t have to equal a life of regret. Let go and let God deal with it and your dating life. Pray about it. I sure did! I even made my list and found my dream boat in a night club of all places….(Miracles can and do happen) Here was my list: I want a man who:
- Believes in God, Jesus and the Trinity.
- Is super smart.
- Is sweet to everyone not just me.
- Is considerate and consistent.
- Is Latino if possible Lord!
- Is funny.
- Is athletic.
- Has a good job.
- Loves the water.
- Is honest.
- Is faithful to me and his friends and family.
And God Gave me my honey… Hugo A. Badillo and this year we will be married 10 years. Remember, great relationships take great effort and we have certainly put forth a great effort and reaped a great harvest. Now it’s your turn! Thanks for reading and thank you to Pastor David Towner of Open Water Church in Odessa Florida, the hippest, coolest, most real dude on planet earth. If you are looking for an awesome church, you should checkout Openwater Church if you live close to Odessa, Keystone, or Tampa in Florida.